Good Things Come To Those Who Wait... Right?

Had another appointment with the dietician today... I've gained weight.  Again.  After my last consultation, I decided to keep a food diary.  She told me that as far as diet was concerned there is nothing that I can improve on any further, her only other suggestion would be to increase my exercise.  An average day for me usually goes like this:

Breakfast: 45g All Bran with 1/3 cup pineapple juice

Snack: small handful of mixed nuts

Lunch: 100g beef/chicken salad

Curves workout

1 hour walk/run

HIIT (10-40minutes)

Dinner: 100g beef/chicken with vegetables.

As of... Well, now this is what an average day will look like:

30-60 minute jog/sprint intervals

Breakfast: 45g All Bran with 1/3 cup pineapple juice

Curves workout

Snack: small handful of nuts

Lunch: 100g beef/chicken salad

HIIT (10-40  minutes)

Dinner: 50g beef/chicken with vegetables

1 hour walk/1 hour HIIT

I tell you what... if this doesn't work I don't know what I will do.  Probably cry haha.  I know that weightloss is slow and in order for it to be maintainable you need to do it properly, but I feel like for every step forward, I take three steps back!

I'm determined not to spend another summer covered up and self conscious... Even if I only have a few weeks of being proud of my body and how I look I won't feel as though I've failed.  Nothing ever beats me and I refuse to give up!

Late Night Weigh Ins and Floppy Arms

I just weighed myself... Bad idea huh!

I fell asleep early tonight and as a result have woken up 5 hours later feeling refreshed and ready to start the day... Only problem is it's 11:30pm!  For the past half hour I've been tossing and turning, watching endless youtube clips, trawling pinterest and going over the tasks for this week.  Finally, I got sick of this and hopped up to get a glass of water.  Upon returning to my room I decided to take my measurements to see if I've lost many cm's.  I've been feeling really good these past few days, I'm in a really positive headspace which certainly helps, plus I've started trail walking with a friend (everywhere hurts! haha).  Anyway, so I took my measurements and I've actually gained :( mass devastation.  I then went and weighed myself and I've gained weight as well!  Can't seem to win, haha.

I know 11:30pm isn't the ideal time to being doing weighs and measures, but I had run out of other things to preoccupy myself with.  So, I've been laying here wondering what I can do to speed up this weight loss.  I'm already exercising everyday of the week, whether it be walking, running, touch training, an occasional weights session or a Curves workout and I've also decided to start up with boxing again to tone up my chicken wings, so I can't really amp that up.  The only thing I can really put it down to is my coffee habit.  Last week I worked everyday which entailed a 5am start and a 7pm finish.  Last week, skinny lattes became my best friend.  I was having two, sometimes even three a day which probably isn't the best, especially as they are loaded with empty calories.

This week I'm only working Monday and Tuesday.  My limit for coffee on those days is one.  ONE ONLY!

And for the rest of the week I'll try not to have any.  The other thing that I can probably try and kick from my diet is cheese in my scrambled egg.  This paleo lifestyle is actually fairly easy.  I don't miss rice, bread, pasta, grains, chocolate, lollies or anything like that.  The only thing I have trouble living without is cheese.

Now, I know I wrote a blog about cheese only a short time back... Guess I failed there, huh?

I'm going back to the dietician next Monday.  So I have a week to clean up my diet and get my act together.  Reckon it's possible to lose 1kg?  I do!

Wish me luck :)

The Power of Positive Thinking

Since I've been trying to lose weight for so long, the more times I had a slip up or saw the scales increase rather than decrease I became even more discouraged.  Then, all of a sudden it was like a switch had been flicked and I started to look at the whole process in a different light.  None of us are perfect and there are time we will slip up.  This realisation is what I struggled most with.

All week, I have been in such a positive head space.  It's such an amazing feeling.  I haven't been tempted to binge, or break my healthy eating at all!  Yesterday, I tentatively hopped on the scales to see where I was at... I lost 1.1kg since last week!  I was so excited... I just hope that I can keep it off.

I've noticed that my stomach is becoming more toned, and my "saddlebags" aren't as large.  It's exciting that I am now at that point where I can notice the little differences in my body.  My dietician suggested I look into getting a personal trainer to speed things up, so I did a bit of research and came across a local women's fitness group and they are doing a Christmas challenge.  It's a 12 class pass and there are a range of different classes we can attend each week.  I've also started walking each day for half an hour before lunch each day, which I think may be helping the process.

Sorry for such a delay between posts... I'll keep you updated on my progress!

Hold the Cheese Please!

After a few days of feeling totally uninspired to continue eating paleo style, I went out and bought another paleo book to get me back on track.  I'm really trying to eat TOTALLY natural.  So, no sneaky salad dressings and definitely NO CHEESE!  Cheese is by far my biggest weakness... There is nothing better than a smidge of cheese sprinkled in your omelette or in your salad.  But, since the cavemen didn't eat cheese neither can I!  I don't really know why I love it so much as it never sits right with me and always leaves me feeling bloated and yuck... Maybe it's just because it does add that little bit of flavour to things.

I went and saw my grandma a few days ago and had lunch with her.  I picked up a roast chicken and she made a salad... I was expecting the typical garden salad, however she had gotten creative and threw together anything she could find... The salad consisted of pretty much every kind of vegetable imaginable except lettuce!  It was by far the tastiest, most satisfying salad I have ever eaten... And the best part was it was totally within the paleo guidelines!  I phoned her today asking for the recipe and she said to use whatever takes my fancy, so I included:


- 200g of frozen peas
- 250g of broccoli and cauliflower
- 4 large carrots
- 200g beans
- 1 zucchini
- 2 tomatoes
- handful of nuts
- handful of grapes
- 2 cucumbers

So I diced everything up and partially cooked the peas, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, beans and zucchini then just tossed it all together!  It is such a pretty salad.  Grandma had also added corn and red capsicum for a bit of colour too, but I'm not too fond of either of those ingredients.  I just drizzled some olive oil and lemon over it to give it that little zing.  The best part about this salad is that I will be eating it for days!  Lunches and dinners are pretty much all prepared, just have to toss some chicken or beef through and I'm ready to go.  Quick and easy recipes like grandma's "Bitsa Salad" are my favourite kind of recipes!

I never really noticed until today how much better I'm sleeping since I've cut out all processed foods.  All my life I have lacked energy and been the one that needs hours and hours of sleep in order to function properly.  I still can't sleep through the night and wake up every half hour or so but 7-8hours is enough to leave me feeling refreshed and ready to start the day which is such a nice feeling!

Holy geez!  It's 9pm... Bed time for me I think!  Early morning run to start the day followed by spinach scrambled eggs, but hold the cheese please!

Night all :)

P.s.  My goal is to lose 1kg by Sunday... Reckon it's achievable?  Maybe if I cut out cheese it will be!  Oh, forgot to mention I've been reading heaps about 12/12, 16/8 and so on eating which is all about intermittent fasting... If I remember I'll discuss it next blog.

A Merry-Go-Round In My Mind

Tonight is just one of those nights where my mind is whirling around and around.  My thoughts are tumbling over each other and my imagination just won't turn off for the night.  I hate how my mind is always most active the nights I need to actually need to be awake early the next day.  Bootcamp tomorrow morning.  Currently dreading the early start!

I've been laying in bed since 9 trying to drift off, but here it is... 11:30 and wide awake.  I've been texting the best friend for majority of the night which just reinforces how much I miss home... Maybe that's why I can't sleep.

So, I went to the dietician yesterday and unfortunately I didn't lose the 2kg as planned... Only lost 1.1kg. BUT!  That's better than nothing... That's better than GAINING 1.1kg.  She encouraged me to amp up my workouts to get maximum results.  I am currently working out at Curves 3-5 times a week, occasionally go for a walk or jog and do bootcamp 2 times a week.  It's time to start incorporating weights though to really kick up my fat burning and I also need to start jogging for 10-20 minutes before breakfast.  I left her office feeling so inspired to keep going.  I felt so on track.

This morning I woke up and went for a 15 minute jog and clocked up 2.5km which was a pretty poor effort, but anyway.  It's only early days!  Things were going really well up until lunch time when my healthy beef salad was ruined with a bowl of ice-cream and a muesli bar.  Never fear though, all was not lost.  It was only lunch time, I had time to try and undo my damage.  I sucked up the motivation to start my weight training... Today was legs and shoulders.  Man oh man it was hard!  But, at the end of it I felt good and could actually see how it will speed up the results.  I then talked myself into going for a workout despite the fact I was exhausted.  It never fails to amaze me how you never, ever regret a workout.  I didn't have the energy to go as hard as usual, but by the end of it I had still worked up a sweat and was feeling good.

I don't understand why I sometimes get these uncontrollable urges to just eat crap food.  I know that it's not good for me and that it's doing a ton of damage, but no matter how hard I try I usually end up caving in.

I'm sorry that my posts are so all over the place, but blogging really helps smooth things out in my mind.

Well, I'm no closer to getting to sleep, but my mind is a lot less cluttered now.  Should probably go back to bed and try to get some decent sleep before bootcamp in the morning.  Night!

"No" Vember

Weeee!  So today I finished my first year of university!  It still hasn't properly sunk in that I'm all done for the year, looking forward to the break though.  All week I've been feeling quite deflated.  I think it's partly due to stressing about exams and partly due to stressing about my weight.  I know that I have gained stress weight as a result of exam block, but I'm hoping that will quickly be shifted.

Tonight I was in a bit of a "blah" state.  You know when you've just been going, going, going all the time then suddenly stop and everything kinda starts to crumble from pure exhaustion?  Yeah, that's how I was feeling... But then I got a motivational fitness text from my brother's girlfriend.  It's those little things that encourage and inspire me to keep trying.  That teach me not to give up.  Anyway, we started chatting away about the usual things, exchanging weigh gain woes (for me) and weight loss successes (for her), exercise and food tips and random little pictures to motivate each other to continue.  She then started talking about this website that you can sign up to and it will help you workout how much weight you need to lose and how much muscle you need to gain in order to achieve your "ideal" body.  I hope to one day be the size of a fitness model, and in order to do that I need to lost 5.1kg of body fat and add 3.9kg of lean body mass... It's predicted that will take me 213 days to do! Or some ridiculously long time.  I think in the meantime I will need to set really short term goals to help me stay one track.

It's amazing how not even three hours ago I felt like there was no use me continuing to try and that I should just accept my body and now I'm feeling so much more encouraged!  So tomorrow morning, despite the fact it's my first day of holidays, I am going to wake up early and go for a run.  By the end of December 20 I hope to be running 13km in an hour again... Reckon that's manageable?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Only time will tell.  But for the moment, that's the first hurdle I need to overcome.  After all, baby steps!

Late Night Pondering

Don't you hate those nights where you toss and turn for hours, knowing you have to get to sleep but just not being able to drift off?  Well, tonight is one of those nights... Hence the late night blog.  Exams start in two days and I'm feeling surprisingly positive about them!  I got marks back for one of my subjects today and have already passed the course which takes a lot of pressure off.  I mean, I'm still going to study for it and work hard, it just means I can focus on the bigger exam instead.

This morning when I woke up I looked in the mirror and was actually surprised as to what I saw.  My legs are starting to tone up and they don't rub together as much anymore and Im starting to get a bit of definition on my tummy, my love handles are shrinking (or appear to be).  It's nice to finally start seeing some progress, something to prove that my hard work is paying off.  I'm still really enjoying paleo, last night for dinner I made fish in lemon pepper with oven baked turnip fries and a dollop of home made mayonnaise.  It was the most satisfyingly tasty meal I have had in a long time!  Things just seem to be looking up.

I've been reading up a lot on jogging to improve weight loss and have been keen to get back into it.  This afternoon I was feeling really restless and sleepy, but decided that instead of going for my usual nap that I would lace up my joggers and get some fresh air.  It's weird, five years ago I never would have thought that I would be so into health and fitness... That I would choose a run over a nap!  In the past I used to feel most comfortable with my hair done, a face of makeup and wearing pretty pair of shorts or a dress... Now, I prefer to have my hair tied up, out of my face and in my gym gear... It just makes me feel so much more motivated and fresh, funny how things change hey?  Over the past year and a bit I've discovered that running is such an awesome release.  There is nothing better than the feeling of your feet pounding the pavement and your breathing quicken, yet calm down at the same time.  When I fall into a rhythm, my legs just seem to take over and I can feel myself loosen and relax.  My mind begins to clear.  Somedays it's a real struggle to get into that headspace, other times it just comes as naturally as breathing.

Anyway, my eyes are finally starting to feel heavy.  Sleep well!

No Sugar

Guess what... It has been 8 days since I last had sugar and the most amazing thing is, I'm not even craving it!  Usually when I go on a diet and cut out all sugar, I have massive cravings which leads to binging on a packet of biscuits or "treating" myself to a bag of chocolates from the lolly shop.  This time, I haven't even been tempted to eat any of the sweet stuff we have in the cupboard.

I've got really mixed feelings about how I'm going on the paleo diet... I feel really bloated and can't work out why.  I've cut out carbs, processed foods and sweets yet my tummy feels and looks gross!  The only thing I can put it down to is that it's exam block so maybe it's stress bloating... I dunno.  I'm just super scared that I'm going to go backwards after having such good results last week.

Sometimes I think I set myself up to fail because it's easier to self sabotage than actually try and not succeed... Yet, with paleo I'm not tempted to eat things I shouldn't because they just don't seem appealing to me.  I have a birthday dinner to go to on Saturday night which worried me a little bit as there will no doubt be a couple of birthday drinks accompanying the dinner, but anyway.  I looked up the restaurants menu to see what my options were and if there were any paleo friendly meals.  It's a japanese restaurant so as far as vegetables go, it's pretty good the only thing I have to avoid is the rice.  I think I've settled on the steamed white fish with bok-choy and stir fried vegetables, hold the rice.

My motivation towards exercise has been really up and down this week.  I'm lacking a ton of energy due to lack of sleep because of exam block, but at the same time I know I should be getting to the gym for my workout, or going for a jog, even if it's only for 15-20minutes.  I chat to my brother's girlfriend a lot about health and fitness, she is one of my biggest motivators and always supports me.  Sometimes when things just feel useless she always has some motivational picture to send me or wise words that encourage me to keep going.  I think I'd be lost without her support.

A few months ago I picked up Jillian Michael's 30 day shred.  I worked out to the DVD everyday for 30 days but didn't see any results.  None.  Zero.  Talk about depressing.  But once again, my brother's girlfriend came to the rescue!  She told me to aim to do JM at least twice a week and just mix the levels up, so that's the approach I'm taking.  It's really nice having someone to hold you accountable for your workouts!

I love looking for new fitness and health blogs... Usually I do it when I'm procrastinating, and I came across this brilliant blog.  The blog isn't strictly a health and fitness blog but the last few posts have been about running and the blogger talks about wanting to run 10km in just over a month which sounds like a hugeeeee challenge but, she seems to be working towards this goal at a rather impressive pace!  Check out her blog here!  http://tenmonthsofdiscovery.blogspot.com.au/
Makes me wish I had similar motivation!  Ah well, exams will be over next Tuesday and then I'll have no excuses not to exercise!

Too Good to be True?

Every Monday at work we have a weigh in as part of a challenge that we are doing.  Every Monday I dread my weigh ins and today was no different!  I put the weigh in off for as long as I can but eventually I have to step on those scales and see how much damage I have done for the week.  Today I stepped on with mixed emotions...  And guess what... I HAD LOST .6kg!  Now, I know this may not sound like a huge achievement, but for me losing .6kg in a week is MASSIVE!

I've been eating "paleo style" since Thursday... So that's like 4 or 5 days and I have already lost that much.  I don't know if I wrote this in one of my previous blogs or not, but I'm going back to the dietician next Wednesday and I'm hoping to have lost 2kg by then... Fingers crossed!

Tonight for dinner we're having spiced chicken drumsticks in the slow cooker.  It's pretty much just a tonne of spices rubbed on to the chicken, no water or stock or anything since it will cook in it's own juices.  I'm learning so much about eating clean and just going back to the basics.  It's amazing what yummy things can be made with natural ingredients!

Back to Basics

I finished my first 4 week boot camp session... All week I was tossing up whether to sign up again as I hadn't seen any results, but today I decided I was going to!  Todays session was brutal.  We did a "round robin" course where we would have to run two laps of the field with our partner in alternate directions and then do 10 reps of whatever strength exercise the instructor threw at us.  I was absolutely dead by the end of it!  Usually I head to the gym afterwards but today all I wanted to do was go home and have a nice hot shower.  Anyway, while I was running the field for what felt like the 50th time, I realised that my fitness had certainly improved!  If we had of done the "round robin" course four weeks ago, I would have either thrown up or passed out.

I'm forever starting things and then giving up when I don't see results, but today taught me that results happen gradually, and we don't always notice them right away.  So while I am missing my sleep ins, I'm going to come back for round two!

On another note, it's day two of the paleo eating plan.  I'm still bright eyed and bushy tailed, excited to try a new way of eating... Don't worry, that will no doubt wear off in about 5-7 days!  I think the hardest thing for me will be cutting out cheese... Especially since omelettes will be the breakfast of choice most days.  

I love how organic the paleo diet is.  It really is all about going back to the basics, cutting out all the processed crap we have become reliant on.  Cooking is one of my favourite past times and I've already found a bunch of recipes I'm itching to try!!! 

I was talking to the dietician about how people just keep telling me that I don't need to lose weight, or that maybe this is just the weight I'm supposed to be.  She said that anything is possible, just sometimes when our body is really happy at the weight it's at, it will fight even harder not to lose anything.  She said once I'm at my goal weight, I then have to maintain it there for three months... And that those three months will be incredibly trying.  She then went on to tell me that while my body is resetting its "set point" I will experience the strangest cravings and my moods will go from sky high to rock bottom... 

I am not looking forward to that!!!

Sorry this is so over the place and doesn't really have much of a structure, I'm just typing what I think.  Maybe I'm on a bit of a high from this morning's boot camp! 

Chocolate Fudge, Green Tea and Slow Cooked Beef

I went to the dietician today.  For a bit there I was seeing her quite regularly (and by quite regularly I had seen her three times in 5 weeks) and managed to lose 2kg in that time.  Unfortunately, exam block cropped up and then she went on holidays so I hadn't seen her for over two months.  Anyway, I went back to her today and she put me on a new plan.  I told her that I had been reading about the Paleo Diet and was very interested in the theory behind that, so we designed a meal guide based around Dr Cordain's theory that we need to eat as our ancestors did... Way back 333 generations ago.  Back then humans didn't eat dairy products or high levels of carbs and grains.  So, my menu goes like this:

Breakfast

- 2 egg omelette w/ spinach, tomato, onion, etc... Any vegetables to bulk it up

OR

- Paleo vegetarian slice

OR

- Fresh squeezed fruit juice

Mid Morning Snack

- 15 almonds w/ 1 piece of fruit

Lunch

- 150g to 200g lean meat/chicken/fish w/ salad or vegetables

Afternoon Snack

- Carrot/capsicum/cucumber sticks w/ 100g lean meat/chicken/fish

Dinner

- 150g lean meat/chicken/fish w/ salad or vegetables

Supper

- Baked apple w/ 100g berries

As you can see, it's a SUPER exciting diet... But I am willing to give anything a go in order to see results!  I currently have a piece of beef in the slow cooker with a heap of tomatoes to give it a nice sauce as well as spices such as oregano and basil to give it a bit of flavour.  I need to get out of the mindset that this is a diet, because it's not.  It's a lifestyle change.  I fully agree with Dr Cordain.  I don't think we need to be eating dairy and carbs and grains, it's just not necessary.  The dietician told me that it is possible for me to lose weight but because my body is currently in starvation mode it's hanging on to all the food I'm eating and not actually burning it off.  I am so motivated to do this.  I really, really want to see the results and to finally feel comfortable again.  After all, summer is only JUST around the corner! Eek!

Anyway, I have an assignment to write.  Happy blogging!

Fat Bottomed Girl

I don't understand myself sometimes!  I've have been trying so hard to eat clean and be healthy and today I feel like I totally blew it!  I started the day off with bootcamp and then the gym.  Breakfast consisted of a paleo diet vegetable slice and 1/3 cup of baked beans.  After sitting in front of the computer for over an hour and getting absolutely no where I started to potter around the house doing the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, making multiple cups of green tea before sitting back down to have another attempt.  At about 12 I made myself lunch (paleo diet veggie slice with salad) and had another cup of green tea.  All morning I had been fighting against myself finding that as soon as boredom struck I would wander into the cupboard to see what there was to snack on.  A couple of times I reached for the biccie jar before firmly telling myself I don't need it and placing it back in the cupboard.  After lunch, the unthinkable happened.  Before I could stop myself I had scoffed down three biccies and 5 honeycomb chocolate pods.  I had just bitten into a chocolate frog when I realised what I was doing and spat it back out.

It makes me hate myself so much when I do things like that.  I know I can't use it to convince myself that I have screwed up my day and therefore am entitled to eat junk but it does just make me really really sad.  I don't know how to explain the feeling that comes over me when I have a brain snap like that, it's the weirdest feeling.  I am legitimately on auto pilot and can't snap myself out of it!  It's horrible.

Anyway, thats okay.  Onwards and upwards!  I'll go for a run tonight and we have touch training this afternoon.

I think part of my problem is that I feel like theres no one to hold me accountable which is why I have decided to write out my goals in big pink text!

LIST OF GOALS: TO BE ACHIEVED BY 1 DEC 2012

1. TO FIT BACK INTO MY SIZE 6 CUE SHORTS

2. TO FEEL COMFORTABLE IN A BIKINI

3. TO BE ABLE TO BUY A PRETTY BALL DRESS

A bruised face and grazed knees

So, last night I attended a function as a "ring in" for a friend.  Since moving out of home I became a bit of a social recluse... I think it has something to do with my weight gain and what not.  But anyway, I got the phone call at 5pm Saturday and of course all the shops were shut weren't they!  Talk about all panic stations go.  My brother and I were rifling through my wardrobe in search of something somewhat suitable and eventually came up with a vintage cream dress with tan heels.

I really didn't think the foot ware through at all because at the best of times they are incredibly slippery and have no traction on them what-so-ever!  Anyway, after a couple drinks I was feeling pretty cheery and was just enjoying the night.  I got asked to dance by a few of the guys which was quite flattering until the most embarrassing thing happened!  I was leaving the dance floor to go to the bathroom when I slipped on drink and felt my legs fly straight out from underneath me.  It all happened in slow motion and I could feel everyone watching as I went down finishing off the ordeal with my head making an almighty CRACK on the floor.  These things happen though... Just have to laugh them off and wear a little more foundation then usual to hide the evidence!

Anyway, enough about that!

I found this new "healthy lifestyle" thing called the 'Paleo Diet' from what I can gather so far, it's all about reverting back to how we used to live before all the icky processed foods etc were invented.  I purchased the book from a local bookstore but haven't had a chance to read it yet.  I'm pretty excited to learn more about it!  Plus, I am just getting really desperate to start seeing results!

The Life of a Cat

Did you know that a cat sleeps an average of 16 hours per day... I want to be a cat!  How much easier would life be?

This morning I woke up feeling really gross and down, like this big fog was just hanging around my head.  I went about my morning routine preparing breakfast (I opted for the simple 20g of cornflakes with a cup of skim milk and a banana) before climbing back into bed dreading the thought of another day filled with stress and assignments.  I haven't exercised in two days and needless to say, I feel very irritable and sooky... It never ceases to amaze me how exercise can have such a huge effect on my mood!

Anyway, I eventually found the courage to climb back out of bed again to have a shower before hitting the books.  After my shower I pulled out one of my baggy (well, used to be baggy) house shirts and slipped it on when TA-DA!  IT WAS LOOSE!  Not in the "if I suck my tummy in it will fit better" kind of way but in the I HAVE LOST WEIGHT KIND OF WAY!

Thinking about it... That kinda seems impossible though since my measurements nor my weight have changed... Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks.  Either way, it's given me motivation to keep going!

Chocolate Tipped Fingers

Eugh!  I don't know what I hate more right now... Uni, chocolate or myself!

It's coming up to the end of semester and assessment items are piling up causing me to fall further and further behind, stressing me out more and more!  I have decided to stay at uni until I finish an assignment that is due on Friday which meant heading to the cafeteria to purchase dinner... My dinner consisted of a ham and cheese croissant and peanut butter  m&m's.  This semester I have been so good with my stress eating and lolly snacking... That's the first time that I can think of all term that I have turned to sugary treats to calm my stress levels.  I am beginning to recognise that sugar is not the way to fix everything... If I want to fix things, I actually have to work on them shock horror!

Anyway, I'm scribbling away and all of a sudden I just get this massive pain in my stomach and the urge to purge (don't worry, I didn't...)  I hate myself so much for chowing down on such an unhealthy meal, especially since there is no way I will have time to work it off when I get home, nor have I done any exercise today besides walking around campus.

I'm slowly realising that we can't keep punishing ourselves for slipping up or using it as an excuse to keep binging because "we've messed up the week, what's the use eating healthy now? I'll start again next monday".  It was my fault that I didn't have any healthy snack on hand and I am going to take full responsibilities for my actions and know that I just have to work super hard the rest of the week to make up for it.

I am super sorry if this blog didn't make any sort of logical sense... I have a chocolate headache right now... Yipee...

6 Weeks to Get Fit!

Okay, so today is the second day of my personal six week challenge.  In seven weeks my family and I are going on a beach holiday which would be incredibly exciting if I was bikini ready.  For nearly 2 years I have been gaining weight at an alarming rate (I have gained over 16kg in the past 18-20 months yikes!).  It's not from lack of trying that I have managed to pile this on there just seemed to be some sort of shift that made me suddenly gain.

When I first started to gain weight I had been out of high school for about 3 months and was working full time in a retail job that required me to be on my feet all day.  I have always been health conscious so in my short 20 minute lunch break I would go for a brisk walk down the main street just to clear my head and to ensure I was getting some form of exercise into my day.  I was eating less than I had been at school and exercising more as I had joined a local gym and was attending step and pump classes.  People told me that it was just me turning into a woman and that I shouldn't worry too much... They didn't seem to understand that the fact I had gained 3kg in roughly 2 months was really concerning me.

I then got another job in a solicitors firm where I was constantly up and down and every afternoon would have to walk to all the other firms in town delivering documents and collecting important items for the solicitors.  I will admit that my morning teas were not as healthy as they could have been (2 saos with cheese and butter) however, I still don't think with all the exercise I was doing in the day that this really should have had such a drastic effect.

As the weight started to pile on my confidence began to plummet... I have never been an overly confident person but to no longer feel confident in my own skin was a big problem.  My exercise regime was amped up and my meals sizes were cut in half... When this didn't show any results I tried every diet under the sun ranging from the Dukan Diet to a Lemon Detox Diet (YUCK!)... It seemed to be the harder I tried the more weight I would gain!

Just over 18 months later I am still struggling with my weight.  I will never forget the day that I hopped on the scales and saw that I was more than 50kg and thought "okay, enough is enough I am never going to weigh 55!" but sure enough not even 3 months later there was that dreaded number.

I thought I hit rock bottom when I saw the number on the scales reach 60kg... How wrong was I!  A few weeks ago I had my monthly weigh in and I had hit 63!  I managed to hold myself together for the duration of the workout but as soon as I got in the car I just cried and cried.

About 4 or 5 months ago a really close friend encouraged me to start a blog to write down the thoughts in my head and then use to go back to when I'm having a rough day... My blog lasted a whole of one month before I got bored.

Today however is the day that I am getting back to it!  I feel confident that I can lose this weight and for every person that tells me I am "just naturally curvy" or "bigger boned" or "perfect the way I am" is just another reason for me to try harder and prove them wrong.

The number of followers I have is really quite small however, I would love it if you could encourage and support me.  I hope one day that I will become someones fitspiration!