Mind Over Matter

For the past couple of months I've been feeling pretty down.  I feel incredibly uncomfortable and self-conscious... I feel hideous to be honest.  I haven't blogged in so long because I didn't like the fact that my blogs all sounded really whingy and repetitive.  I need to vent though!

I went home for the Christmas break feeling like a big, fat hippo.  I didn't want to see anyone.  I didn't feel like celebrating the Christmas season... I felt like Mr Scrooge!  A gym opened up just down the road from where I live and before I left to come home I decided to join, desperate for a new exercise regime.  After about a week of being back home with the family I was feeling even more miserable and I knew it was because I hadn't exercised in so long, so I hopped in the car and went to the gym.  I've started to do strength training and following Jamie Eason's Live Fit program... I couldn't believe it... The results were pretty much immediate!  It honestly felt like one night I went to bed feeling fat and frumpy and the next I woke up feeling quite happy with how I looked.  The weight was falling off and I put it down to the fact that I was weight training.

Three weeks later I had to go back to my normal place of residency (my home away from home... if that makes sense? ha) because it was time to get back to reality and get back to work.  I felt amazing!  I had dropped over 3kg and I was starting to feel comfortable with the way that I looked.  Sadly, within a few days I could feel the weight coming back on.  So as my weight went up, my moods went down.

So here I am, 1 week after coming back and officially 2kg heavier.  How depressing.  I was talking with my brother's girlfriend today about it and she asked what I would eat in a day and this is pretty much how my meals go...

Breakfast: 45g All Bran, 1Tbsp Greek Yoghurt, 1/4cup Juice, 1/2cup Grapes, 1 long black with a sugar
Snack; 4 rice crackers
Lunch: 1 Mountain Bread Rye Wrap, 100g Roast Beef, 1Tbsp mayo and lettuce
Snack: 4 rice crackers
Dinner: 100g chicken/beef with vegetables or salad
Snack: 1/2cup grapes.

I would then head off to the gym and do a solid hour of weights and cardio.

After adding all that up I realised I am eating about 800 calories a day... That's pathetic.  My view towards food and eating is incredibly unhealthy, I will admit that.  I am still of the mindset that the less you eat the more you will lose.  I need to realise this isn't the case.

I am starting back on the Curves Complete diet with work and I am determined to actually see results this time.  The meal plan is fantastic as it sets out everything you eat in the day and you will eat about 1200-1600 calories.  I'm pretty excited to say the least!  It's a 12week diet and while I have accepted the fact that I have missed this bikini season, I refuse to miss next summer!

Since working out that my weight problem has probably stemed from under eating, I feel like it's more manageable.  Needless to say I'm pretty excited.

Anyway, thanks for listening... Well, reading.   I'll keep you all posted!  

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait... Right?

Had another appointment with the dietician today... I've gained weight.  Again.  After my last consultation, I decided to keep a food diary.  She told me that as far as diet was concerned there is nothing that I can improve on any further, her only other suggestion would be to increase my exercise.  An average day for me usually goes like this:

Breakfast: 45g All Bran with 1/3 cup pineapple juice

Snack: small handful of mixed nuts

Lunch: 100g beef/chicken salad

Curves workout

1 hour walk/run

HIIT (10-40minutes)

Dinner: 100g beef/chicken with vegetables.

As of... Well, now this is what an average day will look like:

30-60 minute jog/sprint intervals

Breakfast: 45g All Bran with 1/3 cup pineapple juice

Curves workout

Snack: small handful of nuts

Lunch: 100g beef/chicken salad

HIIT (10-40  minutes)

Dinner: 50g beef/chicken with vegetables

1 hour walk/1 hour HIIT

I tell you what... if this doesn't work I don't know what I will do.  Probably cry haha.  I know that weightloss is slow and in order for it to be maintainable you need to do it properly, but I feel like for every step forward, I take three steps back!

I'm determined not to spend another summer covered up and self conscious... Even if I only have a few weeks of being proud of my body and how I look I won't feel as though I've failed.  Nothing ever beats me and I refuse to give up!

Late Night Weigh Ins and Floppy Arms

I just weighed myself... Bad idea huh!

I fell asleep early tonight and as a result have woken up 5 hours later feeling refreshed and ready to start the day... Only problem is it's 11:30pm!  For the past half hour I've been tossing and turning, watching endless youtube clips, trawling pinterest and going over the tasks for this week.  Finally, I got sick of this and hopped up to get a glass of water.  Upon returning to my room I decided to take my measurements to see if I've lost many cm's.  I've been feeling really good these past few days, I'm in a really positive headspace which certainly helps, plus I've started trail walking with a friend (everywhere hurts! haha).  Anyway, so I took my measurements and I've actually gained :( mass devastation.  I then went and weighed myself and I've gained weight as well!  Can't seem to win, haha.

I know 11:30pm isn't the ideal time to being doing weighs and measures, but I had run out of other things to preoccupy myself with.  So, I've been laying here wondering what I can do to speed up this weight loss.  I'm already exercising everyday of the week, whether it be walking, running, touch training, an occasional weights session or a Curves workout and I've also decided to start up with boxing again to tone up my chicken wings, so I can't really amp that up.  The only thing I can really put it down to is my coffee habit.  Last week I worked everyday which entailed a 5am start and a 7pm finish.  Last week, skinny lattes became my best friend.  I was having two, sometimes even three a day which probably isn't the best, especially as they are loaded with empty calories.

This week I'm only working Monday and Tuesday.  My limit for coffee on those days is one.  ONE ONLY!

And for the rest of the week I'll try not to have any.  The other thing that I can probably try and kick from my diet is cheese in my scrambled egg.  This paleo lifestyle is actually fairly easy.  I don't miss rice, bread, pasta, grains, chocolate, lollies or anything like that.  The only thing I have trouble living without is cheese.

Now, I know I wrote a blog about cheese only a short time back... Guess I failed there, huh?

I'm going back to the dietician next Monday.  So I have a week to clean up my diet and get my act together.  Reckon it's possible to lose 1kg?  I do!

Wish me luck :)

The Power of Positive Thinking

Since I've been trying to lose weight for so long, the more times I had a slip up or saw the scales increase rather than decrease I became even more discouraged.  Then, all of a sudden it was like a switch had been flicked and I started to look at the whole process in a different light.  None of us are perfect and there are time we will slip up.  This realisation is what I struggled most with.

All week, I have been in such a positive head space.  It's such an amazing feeling.  I haven't been tempted to binge, or break my healthy eating at all!  Yesterday, I tentatively hopped on the scales to see where I was at... I lost 1.1kg since last week!  I was so excited... I just hope that I can keep it off.

I've noticed that my stomach is becoming more toned, and my "saddlebags" aren't as large.  It's exciting that I am now at that point where I can notice the little differences in my body.  My dietician suggested I look into getting a personal trainer to speed things up, so I did a bit of research and came across a local women's fitness group and they are doing a Christmas challenge.  It's a 12 class pass and there are a range of different classes we can attend each week.  I've also started walking each day for half an hour before lunch each day, which I think may be helping the process.

Sorry for such a delay between posts... I'll keep you updated on my progress!

Hold the Cheese Please!

After a few days of feeling totally uninspired to continue eating paleo style, I went out and bought another paleo book to get me back on track.  I'm really trying to eat TOTALLY natural.  So, no sneaky salad dressings and definitely NO CHEESE!  Cheese is by far my biggest weakness... There is nothing better than a smidge of cheese sprinkled in your omelette or in your salad.  But, since the cavemen didn't eat cheese neither can I!  I don't really know why I love it so much as it never sits right with me and always leaves me feeling bloated and yuck... Maybe it's just because it does add that little bit of flavour to things.

I went and saw my grandma a few days ago and had lunch with her.  I picked up a roast chicken and she made a salad... I was expecting the typical garden salad, however she had gotten creative and threw together anything she could find... The salad consisted of pretty much every kind of vegetable imaginable except lettuce!  It was by far the tastiest, most satisfying salad I have ever eaten... And the best part was it was totally within the paleo guidelines!  I phoned her today asking for the recipe and she said to use whatever takes my fancy, so I included:


- 200g of frozen peas
- 250g of broccoli and cauliflower
- 4 large carrots
- 200g beans
- 1 zucchini
- 2 tomatoes
- handful of nuts
- handful of grapes
- 2 cucumbers

So I diced everything up and partially cooked the peas, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, beans and zucchini then just tossed it all together!  It is such a pretty salad.  Grandma had also added corn and red capsicum for a bit of colour too, but I'm not too fond of either of those ingredients.  I just drizzled some olive oil and lemon over it to give it that little zing.  The best part about this salad is that I will be eating it for days!  Lunches and dinners are pretty much all prepared, just have to toss some chicken or beef through and I'm ready to go.  Quick and easy recipes like grandma's "Bitsa Salad" are my favourite kind of recipes!

I never really noticed until today how much better I'm sleeping since I've cut out all processed foods.  All my life I have lacked energy and been the one that needs hours and hours of sleep in order to function properly.  I still can't sleep through the night and wake up every half hour or so but 7-8hours is enough to leave me feeling refreshed and ready to start the day which is such a nice feeling!

Holy geez!  It's 9pm... Bed time for me I think!  Early morning run to start the day followed by spinach scrambled eggs, but hold the cheese please!

Night all :)

P.s.  My goal is to lose 1kg by Sunday... Reckon it's achievable?  Maybe if I cut out cheese it will be!  Oh, forgot to mention I've been reading heaps about 12/12, 16/8 and so on eating which is all about intermittent fasting... If I remember I'll discuss it next blog.

A Merry-Go-Round In My Mind

Tonight is just one of those nights where my mind is whirling around and around.  My thoughts are tumbling over each other and my imagination just won't turn off for the night.  I hate how my mind is always most active the nights I need to actually need to be awake early the next day.  Bootcamp tomorrow morning.  Currently dreading the early start!

I've been laying in bed since 9 trying to drift off, but here it is... 11:30 and wide awake.  I've been texting the best friend for majority of the night which just reinforces how much I miss home... Maybe that's why I can't sleep.

So, I went to the dietician yesterday and unfortunately I didn't lose the 2kg as planned... Only lost 1.1kg. BUT!  That's better than nothing... That's better than GAINING 1.1kg.  She encouraged me to amp up my workouts to get maximum results.  I am currently working out at Curves 3-5 times a week, occasionally go for a walk or jog and do bootcamp 2 times a week.  It's time to start incorporating weights though to really kick up my fat burning and I also need to start jogging for 10-20 minutes before breakfast.  I left her office feeling so inspired to keep going.  I felt so on track.

This morning I woke up and went for a 15 minute jog and clocked up 2.5km which was a pretty poor effort, but anyway.  It's only early days!  Things were going really well up until lunch time when my healthy beef salad was ruined with a bowl of ice-cream and a muesli bar.  Never fear though, all was not lost.  It was only lunch time, I had time to try and undo my damage.  I sucked up the motivation to start my weight training... Today was legs and shoulders.  Man oh man it was hard!  But, at the end of it I felt good and could actually see how it will speed up the results.  I then talked myself into going for a workout despite the fact I was exhausted.  It never fails to amaze me how you never, ever regret a workout.  I didn't have the energy to go as hard as usual, but by the end of it I had still worked up a sweat and was feeling good.

I don't understand why I sometimes get these uncontrollable urges to just eat crap food.  I know that it's not good for me and that it's doing a ton of damage, but no matter how hard I try I usually end up caving in.

I'm sorry that my posts are so all over the place, but blogging really helps smooth things out in my mind.

Well, I'm no closer to getting to sleep, but my mind is a lot less cluttered now.  Should probably go back to bed and try to get some decent sleep before bootcamp in the morning.  Night!

"No" Vember

Weeee!  So today I finished my first year of university!  It still hasn't properly sunk in that I'm all done for the year, looking forward to the break though.  All week I've been feeling quite deflated.  I think it's partly due to stressing about exams and partly due to stressing about my weight.  I know that I have gained stress weight as a result of exam block, but I'm hoping that will quickly be shifted.

Tonight I was in a bit of a "blah" state.  You know when you've just been going, going, going all the time then suddenly stop and everything kinda starts to crumble from pure exhaustion?  Yeah, that's how I was feeling... But then I got a motivational fitness text from my brother's girlfriend.  It's those little things that encourage and inspire me to keep trying.  That teach me not to give up.  Anyway, we started chatting away about the usual things, exchanging weigh gain woes (for me) and weight loss successes (for her), exercise and food tips and random little pictures to motivate each other to continue.  She then started talking about this website that you can sign up to and it will help you workout how much weight you need to lose and how much muscle you need to gain in order to achieve your "ideal" body.  I hope to one day be the size of a fitness model, and in order to do that I need to lost 5.1kg of body fat and add 3.9kg of lean body mass... It's predicted that will take me 213 days to do! Or some ridiculously long time.  I think in the meantime I will need to set really short term goals to help me stay one track.

It's amazing how not even three hours ago I felt like there was no use me continuing to try and that I should just accept my body and now I'm feeling so much more encouraged!  So tomorrow morning, despite the fact it's my first day of holidays, I am going to wake up early and go for a run.  By the end of December 20 I hope to be running 13km in an hour again... Reckon that's manageable?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Only time will tell.  But for the moment, that's the first hurdle I need to overcome.  After all, baby steps!