Too Good to be True?

Every Monday at work we have a weigh in as part of a challenge that we are doing.  Every Monday I dread my weigh ins and today was no different!  I put the weigh in off for as long as I can but eventually I have to step on those scales and see how much damage I have done for the week.  Today I stepped on with mixed emotions...  And guess what... I HAD LOST .6kg!  Now, I know this may not sound like a huge achievement, but for me losing .6kg in a week is MASSIVE!

I've been eating "paleo style" since Thursday... So that's like 4 or 5 days and I have already lost that much.  I don't know if I wrote this in one of my previous blogs or not, but I'm going back to the dietician next Wednesday and I'm hoping to have lost 2kg by then... Fingers crossed!

Tonight for dinner we're having spiced chicken drumsticks in the slow cooker.  It's pretty much just a tonne of spices rubbed on to the chicken, no water or stock or anything since it will cook in it's own juices.  I'm learning so much about eating clean and just going back to the basics.  It's amazing what yummy things can be made with natural ingredients!

Back to Basics

I finished my first 4 week boot camp session... All week I was tossing up whether to sign up again as I hadn't seen any results, but today I decided I was going to!  Todays session was brutal.  We did a "round robin" course where we would have to run two laps of the field with our partner in alternate directions and then do 10 reps of whatever strength exercise the instructor threw at us.  I was absolutely dead by the end of it!  Usually I head to the gym afterwards but today all I wanted to do was go home and have a nice hot shower.  Anyway, while I was running the field for what felt like the 50th time, I realised that my fitness had certainly improved!  If we had of done the "round robin" course four weeks ago, I would have either thrown up or passed out.

I'm forever starting things and then giving up when I don't see results, but today taught me that results happen gradually, and we don't always notice them right away.  So while I am missing my sleep ins, I'm going to come back for round two!

On another note, it's day two of the paleo eating plan.  I'm still bright eyed and bushy tailed, excited to try a new way of eating... Don't worry, that will no doubt wear off in about 5-7 days!  I think the hardest thing for me will be cutting out cheese... Especially since omelettes will be the breakfast of choice most days.  

I love how organic the paleo diet is.  It really is all about going back to the basics, cutting out all the processed crap we have become reliant on.  Cooking is one of my favourite past times and I've already found a bunch of recipes I'm itching to try!!! 

I was talking to the dietician about how people just keep telling me that I don't need to lose weight, or that maybe this is just the weight I'm supposed to be.  She said that anything is possible, just sometimes when our body is really happy at the weight it's at, it will fight even harder not to lose anything.  She said once I'm at my goal weight, I then have to maintain it there for three months... And that those three months will be incredibly trying.  She then went on to tell me that while my body is resetting its "set point" I will experience the strangest cravings and my moods will go from sky high to rock bottom... 

I am not looking forward to that!!!

Sorry this is so over the place and doesn't really have much of a structure, I'm just typing what I think.  Maybe I'm on a bit of a high from this morning's boot camp! 

Chocolate Fudge, Green Tea and Slow Cooked Beef

I went to the dietician today.  For a bit there I was seeing her quite regularly (and by quite regularly I had seen her three times in 5 weeks) and managed to lose 2kg in that time.  Unfortunately, exam block cropped up and then she went on holidays so I hadn't seen her for over two months.  Anyway, I went back to her today and she put me on a new plan.  I told her that I had been reading about the Paleo Diet and was very interested in the theory behind that, so we designed a meal guide based around Dr Cordain's theory that we need to eat as our ancestors did... Way back 333 generations ago.  Back then humans didn't eat dairy products or high levels of carbs and grains.  So, my menu goes like this:

Breakfast

- 2 egg omelette w/ spinach, tomato, onion, etc... Any vegetables to bulk it up

OR

- Paleo vegetarian slice

OR

- Fresh squeezed fruit juice

Mid Morning Snack

- 15 almonds w/ 1 piece of fruit

Lunch

- 150g to 200g lean meat/chicken/fish w/ salad or vegetables

Afternoon Snack

- Carrot/capsicum/cucumber sticks w/ 100g lean meat/chicken/fish

Dinner

- 150g lean meat/chicken/fish w/ salad or vegetables

Supper

- Baked apple w/ 100g berries

As you can see, it's a SUPER exciting diet... But I am willing to give anything a go in order to see results!  I currently have a piece of beef in the slow cooker with a heap of tomatoes to give it a nice sauce as well as spices such as oregano and basil to give it a bit of flavour.  I need to get out of the mindset that this is a diet, because it's not.  It's a lifestyle change.  I fully agree with Dr Cordain.  I don't think we need to be eating dairy and carbs and grains, it's just not necessary.  The dietician told me that it is possible for me to lose weight but because my body is currently in starvation mode it's hanging on to all the food I'm eating and not actually burning it off.  I am so motivated to do this.  I really, really want to see the results and to finally feel comfortable again.  After all, summer is only JUST around the corner! Eek!

Anyway, I have an assignment to write.  Happy blogging!

Fat Bottomed Girl

I don't understand myself sometimes!  I've have been trying so hard to eat clean and be healthy and today I feel like I totally blew it!  I started the day off with bootcamp and then the gym.  Breakfast consisted of a paleo diet vegetable slice and 1/3 cup of baked beans.  After sitting in front of the computer for over an hour and getting absolutely no where I started to potter around the house doing the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, making multiple cups of green tea before sitting back down to have another attempt.  At about 12 I made myself lunch (paleo diet veggie slice with salad) and had another cup of green tea.  All morning I had been fighting against myself finding that as soon as boredom struck I would wander into the cupboard to see what there was to snack on.  A couple of times I reached for the biccie jar before firmly telling myself I don't need it and placing it back in the cupboard.  After lunch, the unthinkable happened.  Before I could stop myself I had scoffed down three biccies and 5 honeycomb chocolate pods.  I had just bitten into a chocolate frog when I realised what I was doing and spat it back out.

It makes me hate myself so much when I do things like that.  I know I can't use it to convince myself that I have screwed up my day and therefore am entitled to eat junk but it does just make me really really sad.  I don't know how to explain the feeling that comes over me when I have a brain snap like that, it's the weirdest feeling.  I am legitimately on auto pilot and can't snap myself out of it!  It's horrible.

Anyway, thats okay.  Onwards and upwards!  I'll go for a run tonight and we have touch training this afternoon.

I think part of my problem is that I feel like theres no one to hold me accountable which is why I have decided to write out my goals in big pink text!

LIST OF GOALS: TO BE ACHIEVED BY 1 DEC 2012

1. TO FIT BACK INTO MY SIZE 6 CUE SHORTS

2. TO FEEL COMFORTABLE IN A BIKINI

3. TO BE ABLE TO BUY A PRETTY BALL DRESS

A bruised face and grazed knees

So, last night I attended a function as a "ring in" for a friend.  Since moving out of home I became a bit of a social recluse... I think it has something to do with my weight gain and what not.  But anyway, I got the phone call at 5pm Saturday and of course all the shops were shut weren't they!  Talk about all panic stations go.  My brother and I were rifling through my wardrobe in search of something somewhat suitable and eventually came up with a vintage cream dress with tan heels.

I really didn't think the foot ware through at all because at the best of times they are incredibly slippery and have no traction on them what-so-ever!  Anyway, after a couple drinks I was feeling pretty cheery and was just enjoying the night.  I got asked to dance by a few of the guys which was quite flattering until the most embarrassing thing happened!  I was leaving the dance floor to go to the bathroom when I slipped on drink and felt my legs fly straight out from underneath me.  It all happened in slow motion and I could feel everyone watching as I went down finishing off the ordeal with my head making an almighty CRACK on the floor.  These things happen though... Just have to laugh them off and wear a little more foundation then usual to hide the evidence!

Anyway, enough about that!

I found this new "healthy lifestyle" thing called the 'Paleo Diet' from what I can gather so far, it's all about reverting back to how we used to live before all the icky processed foods etc were invented.  I purchased the book from a local bookstore but haven't had a chance to read it yet.  I'm pretty excited to learn more about it!  Plus, I am just getting really desperate to start seeing results!

The Life of a Cat

Did you know that a cat sleeps an average of 16 hours per day... I want to be a cat!  How much easier would life be?

This morning I woke up feeling really gross and down, like this big fog was just hanging around my head.  I went about my morning routine preparing breakfast (I opted for the simple 20g of cornflakes with a cup of skim milk and a banana) before climbing back into bed dreading the thought of another day filled with stress and assignments.  I haven't exercised in two days and needless to say, I feel very irritable and sooky... It never ceases to amaze me how exercise can have such a huge effect on my mood!

Anyway, I eventually found the courage to climb back out of bed again to have a shower before hitting the books.  After my shower I pulled out one of my baggy (well, used to be baggy) house shirts and slipped it on when TA-DA!  IT WAS LOOSE!  Not in the "if I suck my tummy in it will fit better" kind of way but in the I HAVE LOST WEIGHT KIND OF WAY!

Thinking about it... That kinda seems impossible though since my measurements nor my weight have changed... Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks.  Either way, it's given me motivation to keep going!

Chocolate Tipped Fingers

Eugh!  I don't know what I hate more right now... Uni, chocolate or myself!

It's coming up to the end of semester and assessment items are piling up causing me to fall further and further behind, stressing me out more and more!  I have decided to stay at uni until I finish an assignment that is due on Friday which meant heading to the cafeteria to purchase dinner... My dinner consisted of a ham and cheese croissant and peanut butter  m&m's.  This semester I have been so good with my stress eating and lolly snacking... That's the first time that I can think of all term that I have turned to sugary treats to calm my stress levels.  I am beginning to recognise that sugar is not the way to fix everything... If I want to fix things, I actually have to work on them shock horror!

Anyway, I'm scribbling away and all of a sudden I just get this massive pain in my stomach and the urge to purge (don't worry, I didn't...)  I hate myself so much for chowing down on such an unhealthy meal, especially since there is no way I will have time to work it off when I get home, nor have I done any exercise today besides walking around campus.

I'm slowly realising that we can't keep punishing ourselves for slipping up or using it as an excuse to keep binging because "we've messed up the week, what's the use eating healthy now? I'll start again next monday".  It was my fault that I didn't have any healthy snack on hand and I am going to take full responsibilities for my actions and know that I just have to work super hard the rest of the week to make up for it.

I am super sorry if this blog didn't make any sort of logical sense... I have a chocolate headache right now... Yipee...

6 Weeks to Get Fit!

Okay, so today is the second day of my personal six week challenge.  In seven weeks my family and I are going on a beach holiday which would be incredibly exciting if I was bikini ready.  For nearly 2 years I have been gaining weight at an alarming rate (I have gained over 16kg in the past 18-20 months yikes!).  It's not from lack of trying that I have managed to pile this on there just seemed to be some sort of shift that made me suddenly gain.

When I first started to gain weight I had been out of high school for about 3 months and was working full time in a retail job that required me to be on my feet all day.  I have always been health conscious so in my short 20 minute lunch break I would go for a brisk walk down the main street just to clear my head and to ensure I was getting some form of exercise into my day.  I was eating less than I had been at school and exercising more as I had joined a local gym and was attending step and pump classes.  People told me that it was just me turning into a woman and that I shouldn't worry too much... They didn't seem to understand that the fact I had gained 3kg in roughly 2 months was really concerning me.

I then got another job in a solicitors firm where I was constantly up and down and every afternoon would have to walk to all the other firms in town delivering documents and collecting important items for the solicitors.  I will admit that my morning teas were not as healthy as they could have been (2 saos with cheese and butter) however, I still don't think with all the exercise I was doing in the day that this really should have had such a drastic effect.

As the weight started to pile on my confidence began to plummet... I have never been an overly confident person but to no longer feel confident in my own skin was a big problem.  My exercise regime was amped up and my meals sizes were cut in half... When this didn't show any results I tried every diet under the sun ranging from the Dukan Diet to a Lemon Detox Diet (YUCK!)... It seemed to be the harder I tried the more weight I would gain!

Just over 18 months later I am still struggling with my weight.  I will never forget the day that I hopped on the scales and saw that I was more than 50kg and thought "okay, enough is enough I am never going to weigh 55!" but sure enough not even 3 months later there was that dreaded number.

I thought I hit rock bottom when I saw the number on the scales reach 60kg... How wrong was I!  A few weeks ago I had my monthly weigh in and I had hit 63!  I managed to hold myself together for the duration of the workout but as soon as I got in the car I just cried and cried.

About 4 or 5 months ago a really close friend encouraged me to start a blog to write down the thoughts in my head and then use to go back to when I'm having a rough day... My blog lasted a whole of one month before I got bored.

Today however is the day that I am getting back to it!  I feel confident that I can lose this weight and for every person that tells me I am "just naturally curvy" or "bigger boned" or "perfect the way I am" is just another reason for me to try harder and prove them wrong.

The number of followers I have is really quite small however, I would love it if you could encourage and support me.  I hope one day that I will become someones fitspiration!